My Heart is Beating Again

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One of the major contributors to my journey into the abyss of depression was change… a whole lot of it all at once. I had always considered myself to be pretty adaptable, but this time it was all too much to handle. Up until that point my whole purpose in life was to be a mother and a nurse. Within a relatively short period of time that all changed. 

One night in 2012 I woke up to go to the bathroom. I put my foot to the floor and stood up, sending the most searing pain I had ever experienced through my body. I could not walk, it was too painful. In the weeks that followed I needed help to do everything. And I mean everything. I didn’t recognize my life anymore. I didn’t recognize my body anymore. I went from being caregiver to care receiver; strong independent woman to weak dependent woman; provider to financial burden.

During this same time the last of my kids moved out of the house. With all my kids  grown and gone my role as mother changed drastically too. I had been a mom since I was 18 years old, and a nurse since 21. My life didn’t look like anything that resembled my understanding of who I was. I felt lost and descended rapidly into the abyss. 

Now that I’m out of the awful pit, I can see who I am again. I’m the same person, with new purposes. I’m still exploring those and I have to say I’m enjoying all the possibilities life is showing me right now. Yes my life is different. But it’s good. I was in the car the other day and a song came on the radio that summed up my journey so well I decided to share it with you for this week’s Music Monday. 

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again – Danny Gokey

You’re shattered
Like you’ve never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you’re never gonna get back
To the you that used to be

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again

Beginning
Just let that word wash over you
It’s alright now
Love’s healing hands have pulled you through
So get back up, take step one
Leave the darkness, feel the sun
Cause your story’s far from over
And your journey’s just begun

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again

Let every heartbreak
And every scar
Be a picture that reminds you
Who has carried you this far
Cause love sees farther than you ever could
In this moment heaven’s working
Everything for your good

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
Step into the light of grace
Yesterday’s a closing door
You don’t live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again
Your heart to beat again
Beat again

Oh, so tell your heart to beat again

Written by Matthew West, Bernie Herms, Randy Phillips • Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group, Capitol Christian Music Group

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