My Letter to Me

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Hello faithful followers! Did you miss me yesterday? I missed being here. I had two doctor appointments and they wore me out. l couldn’t muster up the energy to write a post. Such is life with fibromyalgia. I guarantee there will be more days missed. I did think about you though, and after hearing a song on the radio I knew what I wanted to write about. The song was Brad Paisley – Letter to Me. Do you know it?  If not you can check it out here.  It’s a song about Brad writing a letter to his 17-year-old self basically telling him that life gets better.

Listening to the song made me wonder. What would I tell myself if I could send a letter back in time? The logical thing to do might be to tell myself not to make the choices that turned out to be bad– not to marry either of my exes, for example. But if I hadn’t married those men, I wouldn’t have my children. I can’t even imagine life without them. Even the bad choices I made that didn’t produce children did teach me important lessons and have played a part in making me who I am today. A tough old bird. So, no… I wouldn’t tell myself to change a thing.

I would also have to go way further back then 17. By then my life was already a tragedy-ridden mess. No, I need to go back further. I think I would go back to age 5, and I think I would write something like this:

Dear Little Lori,

I know it is hard to believe, but I am you writing to you from the future. You’ve made it to the ripe old age of 50 and there’s some things I want you to know! First and foremost, you need to know that your life is good now, but it’s going to get very hard soon. Don’t worry. You’re going to be OK. You will learn to be a fighter. Here are some things that will help you:

  1. You need to know that Jesus is real. He will always be with you no matter what. He loves you more than you can imagine. Never doubt it. Lean on him
  2. You know how your mom rubs her hand over your head every night when she tucks you in bed? And how when her hand goes over your ear it sounds like you can hear the ocean?  And how she sings “Jesus Loves Me” and “Jesus Wants You for a Sunbeam” every night too? Cherish those moments. They will be your fondest memories of childhood, and your best memories with your mother.  Remember them when things get tough with her.
  3. I know its impossible to imagine now, but when you are older your mom will do something that will hurt you. Badly. You will feel betrayed. You won’t understand it. You’ll wonder if your mom even loves you. She does. It won’t seem like it for a few years. But she does. She has mental health problems  that make it hard for her to show it. It’s not your fault.
  4. More people will hurt you, too. Many more people. People you love and people you don’t even know. It’s going to start to feel like something is wrong with you. Like there must be some reason it keeps happening. Like you are doing something wrong. You aren’t. It’s not your fault.
  5. Lots of people will be by your side too. Lots of people will help you. Lots of people will love you. Don’t be so consumed by the people who hurt you that you don’t notice the ones who love you. Remember them when you feel unloved and unlovable.
  6. You will lose people that you love. Some for a while, some for forever. Your parents will get divorced and you won’t see your dad as much as you’d like too. Your big sister is going to get married and move very far away. Your grandparents will die. You will feel like you are all alone. You aren’t.
  7. People will tell you that you are beautiful, kind, loving, caring, and smart. Believe them.  You are not the hideous troll you will often envision yourself to be.  You are a beloved daughter of God. Know your worth.
  8. You will have lots of good things happen to you too. Focus on them. Make them more important than the bad. Be grateful
  9. You will make mistakes. You will make bad choices. Don’t be afraid of them. Learn from them. They will make you stronger.

Little Girl Lori, your life won’t be easy but you are going to be just fine. Pain is an unavoidable part of life. Keep looking up toward heaven. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Don’t lose your way. Focus on your goals. Keep fighting and stay strong. You are loved. You matter. And you are going to make it.

Love,

You

You are all together beautiful, my darling. There is no flaw in you. ~ Song of Songs 4:7

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